On How Vulnerability Is Terrifying—Here’s Why You Should Try It Anyway
What You'll Learn in this Article
- Why vulnerability feels scary
- How cultural messages shape emotional openness
- How to start practicing vulnerability safely
- How relational therapy helps build connection
Heart Racing, Sweat Dripping: The Panic of Vulnerability
You know that feeling when you’re catapulted into a situation where you’re acutely aware that you’re about to be face-to-face with a deeply vulnerable disclosure? You’re about to share something honest—really honest—and your body goes full fire alarm?
Suddenly there are beads of sweat on your upper lip, your heart begins to race, and every part of your body is screaming: “ABORT MISSION!” while you scramble for the most casual exit strategy.
“HURRY! TELL A JOKE.” “QUICK! CHANGE THE SUBJECT.”
Or perhaps you find yourself in a state of “lights-on-but-no-one-is-home” blankness?
Well, rest assured, you are not alone.
Why Vulnerability Feels Scary (and Why It’s Actually Normal)
For many of us, vulnerability feels like leaping into a deep abyss, naked and exposed. That surge of Do I flee? Fight? Freeze? Fawn? is our sympathetic nervous system sounding the alarms.
The Nervous System Says Danger. Your Heart Agrees.
These reactions come from a lifetime of learning—family dynamics, culture, school, friendships, workplaces, relationships, and the broader social messages we absorb. Somewhere along the way, we may have been taught, implicitly or explicitly, that vulnerability is unsafe or unwelcome.
The fear we feel now is not random; it reflects what we had to do to protect ourselves. Those tools often served us well. Sometimes they were necessary for our emotional, mental, or even physical safety.
But now? They might be holding you back from deeper intimacy, belonging, and connection.
If opening up feels intimidating or confusing, you might also like our guide on how to talk about your feelings in a way that feels grounding and doable.
The Bigger Picture: How Society Discourages Vulnerability
Zooming out further, it’s no coincidence that vulnerability feels risky.
Our society has long discouraged softer, more “feminized” ways of being. Emotional openness is regularly mocked, dismissed, or punished. Think of political rhetoric claiming that “women are too emotional to lead”—a clear example of how emotions are framed as weakness.
Vulnerability challenges the rugged individualism baked into capitalism, by leaning into interdependence, community, softness, and communication. Practicing vulnerability can actually be a quiet act of resistance.
Why Vulnerability Matters for Your Own Life
So maybe you’re wondering: Okay, I get why vulnerability matters on a bigger scale… but why does it matter for me personally?
Vulnerability gives us the foundation for trust, authenticity, and intimacy.
Pushing past that urge to sprint toward the nearest exit can create meaningful, corrective experiences, chances to show compassion to the younger versions of ourselves who were told our emotions were “too much,” “too messy,” or “too inconvenient.”
Vulnerability lets us challenge the idea that we have to shove our feelings down to earn love or acceptance.
How to Start Being Vulnerable Safely (No Emotional Cliff-Diving Required)
Of course, being vulnerable rarely comes easily. Think of it like lifting weights: you don’t walk into the gym on day one and deadlift 100 pounds. You start small. It feels uncomfortable and awkward, and you may question every life choice you’ve ever made, but over time the muscle strengthens. Vulnerability becomes a bit less terrifying and a bit more familiar.
How to Flex Your Vulnerability Muscle
Start small; it doesn’t need to be an earth-shattering disclosure.
Lean into vulnerability with people you trust to hold you gently.
Be patient with yourself.
Take a breath. Take a beat.
If judgment pops up, that’s normal. Being seen can feel deeply exposing.
With practice, vulnerability becomes less like a freefall and more like a slightly wobbly—but solid—step forward.
Relational Therapy: A Safe Space to Try vulnerability
Relational therapy can be a grounding space to begin building that vulnerability muscle.
In this kind of therapeutic relationship, the focus isn’t just on your symptoms or stress, it’s on how you relate: how you show up, how you protect yourself, and how you connect.
Relational therapy gives you the chance to try out small acts of vulnerability with someone who can hold them gently and consistently. Over time, these experiences ripple outward, making vulnerability in your everyday life feel a little less like stepping off a cliff and a little more like taking a steady, supported step forward.
FAQ: Vulnerability, Fear, and Emotional Openness
Why does vulnerability feel so scary?
Vulnerability can activate your body’s built-in threat system. If you grew up in environments where emotional openness was dismissed or punished, your nervous system learned to treat vulnerability as danger. The fear you feel now is a leftover survival strategy—not evidence that you’re weak or “too much.”
What are common reactions to vulnerability?
Many people experience instinctive responses like:
Fight: getting defensive or prickly
Flight: changing the subject or avoiding the moment
Freeze: going blank or shutting down
Fawn: pleasing, smoothing, or caretaking to avoid conflict
All of these are normal nervous system responses designed to keep you safe.
Is being vulnerable the same as oversharing?
No. Vulnerability is about honesty and emotional openness—not dumping information without safety or trust. Healthy vulnerability is paced, intentional, and grounded. Oversharing often comes from anxiety or a desire to control how others see you.
How does relational therapy help with vulnerability?
Relational therapy gives you a stable, attuned space to experiment with vulnerability—without fear of judgment or rejection. You learn how you protect yourself, how you connect, and how you can take emotional risks safely. Those experiences slowly reshape your relationships outside the therapy room.
Want help taking the risk?
If you’re ready to explore vulnerability without feeling like you’re free-falling, our diverse team of therapists are here to offer a grounded, supportive space.
Reach out when you’re ready to take that next step.
Featured therapist author:
Elizabeth Taylor is a queer, neurodivergent Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #132575 who brings a deep understanding of trauma and the many ways it can shape our bodies, relationships, and sense of self. She is committed to creating therapeutic spaces that feel safe, inclusive, and grounded in genuine care. Her goal is to offer a place where healing can unfold through connection, community, and the steady presence of someone who truly sees you. Elizabeth is especially passionate about working with queer and LGBTQIA+ clients and neurodivergent communities. Much of her work centers on exploring identity, desires, relationships, and the impact of the systems we move through. She supports clients in questioning limiting narratives, reclaiming their autonomy, and rediscovering the parts of themselves that have always deserved gentleness.
Her approach balances depth with playfulness, honoring the heaviness that can come with healing while still making room for joy, silliness, and moments of ease. Outside of therapy, Elizabeth is a sister, daughter, friend, devoted cat parent, and lifelong deep thinker. She enjoys discovering new corners of the city, spending time in parks, mermaiding, hiking, snowboarding, crafting, and getting a little too invested in board games. Her life and work are guided by a strong commitment to justice, equity, and community connection.
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