On Relational Therapy & How it Helps You Heal
As mental health matters become less stigmatized, there has been a collective exploration of the many options someone starting therapy may have. A big question that arises is “What type of therapy is good for me?” Another question that typically follows is, “Does the kind of therapy I receive even matter?” With so many types of therapy—more than fifty types of therapeutic approaches in a quick Google search—I get it, it feels overwhelming.
Here at Kindman & Co., we offer relational therapy, one of the many modalities of talk therapy engineered to help you. Relational therapy (also called “relational psychotherapy”) is a powerful modality rooted in relational connection, attachment theory, and healing through relationship. This blog will discuss what relational therapy is, what it looks like in a session, and why this matters.
What Is Relational Therapy (a.k.a. Relational Psychotherapy)?
Relational therapy definition + distinguishing features
When people look for therapy, they’re often wondering if something is “wrong” with them or if they need to be “fixed.” Relational therapists start from a different place. We’re not about changing your thoughts, beliefs, or perspectives to fit a certain mold. Instead, it’s about noticing how you show up in relationships, exploring the patterns that shape your connections, and creating space to experiment with new ways of being. In relational therapy, the problem isn’t located inside you—healing comes through connection, trust, and authenticity in relationship with another person.
At its core, relational therapy recognizes that the primary tool for change and/or growth is the relationship between client and therapist. This focus on relationships comes from the psychology of connection and co-regulation. We as humans are created for connection. We require support from other humans—without it we are isolated, anxious, depressed, and experience dis-ease. When folx are in emotional distress, it is satisfying mutual relationships with other humans that aids in healing and empowerment.
Attachment Theory and Relational Therapy
Much of the emphasis on relationships is based in knowledge of attachment theory. This theory was developed by John Bowlby who sought to understand the distress of infants when separated from their parents. From his and Mary Ainsworth’s research, four attachment styles were documented and further studied as they translate to adult relationships. The four attachment styles are as follows: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Anxious-Avoidant. For more information on attachment theory and styles, I’d suggest this article by R. Chris Fraley or the book, Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
The piece of information that I need you to know is: it is possible to cultivate a more secure attachment style as an adult through increased stable relationships. This is so exciting for me as a therapist! My personal point of view for therapy is that it should be a place for you to heal from the past, integrate the present, and create hope for the future. Security allows you to come home to yourself; what a wonderful place that can be.
And how does relational therapy come into play? Being able to form a secure and trusting relationship with your therapist allows folx to experience what a safe relationship can look and feel like. Experiencing a safe relationship is a freedom to be known, seen, and heard with acceptance and understanding.
Relational Therapy Techniques & Practices
What relational therapy looks like in session
A big distinction with relational therapy is that you won’t have a therapist who sits there and simply nods. Since the relationship is prioritized, I tell clients that they will most likely learn about me as we work together. That is because trust is formed by reciprocity. Therapy can be scary; I think it’s helpful to know a little about the person who is working with you and sharing in the vulnerability.
Additionally, an instrumental piece of relational therapy is considering how differences in power or equality as well as race, class, gender, and culture shape a person and their relationships. It would be unethical of me to not consider the factors that are outside of your control, and more so, not to acknowledge how differences in power/life experience may affect our relationship. For example, I am a White, cisgender, heterosexual, woman and I recognize that these intersections alone reveal possible discrepancies in how I show up contrasted with how other folks are able to show up.
So, during a session together, you might hear me say things like,
“Does this (example of a relationship pattern) feel familiar to you?” or
“What was it like for you to say that to me?” or
“How does it feel to explore that with me right now?”
Relational Therapy Approaches to Healing Relationships
In practice, relational therapies often include techniques that bring the relationship itself into the room. Your therapist may reflect back patterns as they unfold in real time, invite experiments in how you show up with others, or guide you through repairing moments of tension or rupture. These experiences can feel vulnerable, but they also provide a safe space to try new ways of relating and notice how they land.
Relational therapy also emphasizes co-regulation—learning how your nervous system can settle in connection with another—and intersubjective feedback, where therapist and client openly share their different perspectives. Sometimes role play or imagined dialogues are used to practice new relational moves.
Each of these techniques highlights the central belief that growth and healing happen most powerfully within relationships, and that the therapy room is a living laboratory for that work. We think of a relational approach to therapy a little bit like an incubator—you can try out new ways of communicating and/or being that feel scary or vulnerable and build comfort for showing up more authentically in your relationships! Relational therapy techniques aren’t just theoretical, they’re designed to help you build healthier, more authentic relationships both inside and outside the therapy room.
Relational psychotherapy emphasizes humanity, first
All of these questions point to how you and I, client and therapist, can connect and collaborate together human-to-human. You might also hear me say things like, I truly understand where you’re coming from because I myself have experienced something very similar. Humans experience pain, and we are all comforted to know that we are not alone in our pain.
Lastly, know that in the room (virtually or otherwise), you will be treated authentically. Part of psychotherapy that is relational is recognizing that each client is a unique individual who is on a specific path. As your therapist, I want to work with you to acknowledge, accept, and celebrate all of your special traits, gifts, and how you contribute to the world. This is a long-term approach because lasting change occurs when you can heal the past, integrate the present, and create hope for the future—in collaboration with a trusted therapist.
why relational therapy matters
Folx who have been struggling with long-term emotional distress or turmoil from relationships can often find that this type of therapy is most beneficial for facilitating healing and change, simply because of the emphasis of relationship. So often relationships that have caused stress and distrust in the past continue to plague current relationships. Relational therapy matters because it offers a chance for clients to rework painful relationship patterns and collaborate with a trusted person in the present. THIS is where healing begins.
Like the Brené Brown quote on Kindman & Co.’s website landing page says, “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” Meeting with me, or one of the many fantastic therapists at Kindman & Co., is a step towards healing. Humans were not meant to do this life alone, something that feels especially important in our current circumstances.
Benefits of Relational Therapy
Relational therapy provides an opportunity to explore relational patterns, craft deeper and more vulnerable relationships, and find empowerment and healing. It has been found to be especially helpful for those experiencing difficulty with anxiety, stress, insecurity, relationship distress, or depression.
Clients of a relational therapy approach often describe these benefits:
Improved attachment security
Better relational functioning
Improved communication skills
Healing relational trauma (sometimes called C-PTSD)
Increased self-compassion and boundaries
Increased authenticity and positive feelings of self-worth
Ability to hold more complexity and navigate the “grey areas” of life
Coming to value your own vulnerability and emotional self
Greater emotional awareness
The ability to repair relational ruptures with more ease
Thriving relationships that nourish and sustain you
Over time, relational psychotherapy can reduce anxiety, ease depression, and support healing from trauma by offering consistent experiences of safety, reciprocity, and co-regulation. Moreover, relational therapy provides the warmth and support for you to be able to find insight and make connections that improve your life.
If you’re seeking more connection, relational therapy is for you
If you’ve read this and it’s brought up questions like, “How do I relate to those around me?” or “What’s missing in the connections I have?”, I think relational therapy could be a great fit for you. Relational psychotherapy allows you to form a secure attachment which improves your relationship with yourself and others. It can look like your therapist and you collaborating together through trust and vulnerability. And relational therapy matters because it offers an opportunity to find empowerment and healing.
Relational Therapy F.A.Q.s
Is relational therapy right for me?
Relational therapies may be a good fit if you’ve noticed repeating patterns in your relationships, feel stuck in old dynamics, or want to experience a more authentic way of connecting. It’s especially supportive for people navigating attachment wounds, relational trauma, or challenges with emotions, trust, and vulnerability. If you value growth that happens in the context of connection, relational therapy might resonate deeply with you.
How long does relational therapy take to see change?
Every client’s journey is different, but many people notice shifts within the first few months. Because relational therapy focuses on trust, safety, and new experiences of relating, progress often builds gradually over time. The more consistently you engage, the more opportunity there is to rewire patterns and practice new ways of being in relationship.
How is relational therapy different from talk therapy, psychodynamic therapy, or CBT?
Unlike traditional “talk therapy,” relational therapy is less about giving advice and more about exploring how you relate, both to yourself and to others. While psychodynamic therapy often looks at past experiences and unconscious motivations, relational therapy emphasizes the here and now of your relationship with your therapist. Compared to CBT, which focuses on thoughts and behaviors, relational therapy centers the healing power of connection itself—using the therapeutic relationship as the primary tool for growth and change.
Importantly, we don’t view the problem as something “wrong” with you or hidden inside you. We’re not trying to change your thoughts, beliefs, or perspectives. Instead, relational therapy invites you to experiment with new ways of relating so that your patterns, relationships, and sense of self can shift in more authentic and sustaining directions.
Is relational therapy available online?
Yes, Kindman & Co. offers relational therapy both in Los Angeles and virtually, so you can access care wherever you are.
Ready to start relational therapy for yourself?
Book a relational therapy consultation with Kindman & Co. in Los Angeles or online today!
Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist. She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, womxn’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.
Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.
THERAPY SERVICES AT KINDMAN & CO.
We are here for your diverse counseling needs; offering relational therapy with clinicians in L.A. & online. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, support for artists /creative types, therapy for teens & young adults, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and therapy for therapists. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.
GET HELP NOW
If you are interested in therapy with Kindman & Co. and would like to learn more about the services we have to help you, follow these quick & easy steps:
Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with our Care Coordinator.
Get matched with the therapist who’s right for you.
Start feeling more supported and fulfilled in your life and relationships!