On Productivity as Identity: Why Slowing Down Feels Unsafe
Many of us were never explicitly told that our value depended on how much we could do, but we learned it anyway. Somewhere along the way, productivity stopped being something we did and became something we were. And once that line blurs, slowing down can start to feel strangely unsafe.
Productivity as Identity: Why So Many of Us Can’t Slow Down
A client of mine recently sent me a meme that said, “At least whatever is wrong with me gave me one hell of a work ethic.” My first thought was that this sentiment captures so much of what I see in therapy (and myself!) But it also made me think about why so many of us feel the need to constantly produce, create, and do.
The “Formerly Gifted Kid” Experience and Adult Burnout
Lately, I have been seeing more conversations about being a “formerly gifted kid,” a term used to describe adults who were labeled as gifted in childhood and now struggle with burnout, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome.
While the label itself is not universal, the experience resonates with many people I work with. There is often a deep familiarity with being praised for output, achievement, and capability, and a corresponding fear of what it would mean to slow down or fall short.
I think this has a lot to do with where and how we live. We exist in a society deeply shaped by capitalism and the Protestant work ethic. Even if it is only subconscious, many of us have internalized the belief that productivity is not just a good thing, but something that reflects our worth as people. God forbid someone sees us as lazy!
When Productivity Becomes a Survival Strategy
For me, and for many of my clients, there is an underlying voice that insists we must keep doing, keep improving, keep contributing, even when there is nothing in particular that actually needs our attention.
For many of us, this voice goes back to early childhood. People who resonate with the “formerly gifted” experience are often incredibly skilled at recognizing what their environments expect of them and delivering exactly that. In doing so, they may never have been given the time or space to figure out what they want or what feels good for them, outside of external validation.
For many of us, productivity became a form of protection. Being productive and being rewarded for that productivity became evidence that we were “fine,” even when internally that did not feel true.
Why ‘High-Functioning’ Struggle Is So Often Missed in Mental Health Care
This is part of what can make traditional mental health spaces so difficult to navigate. Many people know something is wrong long before it shows up as something visible. They feel exhausted, disconnected, anxious, or numb, but they are still showing up to work, taking care of others, and getting things done.
Because traditional mental health care is rooted in diagnosis, and diagnosis is often based on functional impairment, people who are struggling but still functioning are often told that they do not qualify for support.
When You’re Struggling but Still ‘Fine’
Unfortunately, this tends to reinforce an internal dialogue that is already there. If things look fine on the surface, then maybe nothing is really wrong. Maybe you are just being dramatic. Maybe you should try harder.
As someone who learned to cope by staying productive, this makes me really sad. I know how lonely it can be to be struggling on the inside while no one checks in because they do not see anything wrong. And why take up space to talk about what is happening internally when there is already so much pain in the world, and so many tangible needs that feel more urgent than your own?
You Are Enough Without Producing
Your existence is enough. Your value is not defined by what you produce or what you can do for others. Unpacking these expectations can be incredibly difficult, especially when society continues to reward us for what we produce. But none of this means you are failing, falling behin, or doing life wrong. You are enough, without doing a single thing differently.
If this resonated, you’re not imagining things, and you’re not alone.
You don’t have to wait until you’re falling apart to deserve support. Therapy can be a place to unpack the pressure to keep performing and start listening to what you actually need.
If you’re curious about working together, you’re welcome to check out our individual therapy services.
Part of a series on slowing down as resistance
This reflection is part of an ongoing series exploring productivity, urgency, burnout, and nervous system survival through a relational therapy lens. These pieces examine how capitalism and chronic stress shape our sense of worth—and how slowing down, resting, and making space for joy can function as necessary and protective forms of resistance.
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Featured therapist author:
Sarah Barukh, ACSW, the eldest of four, was shaped by her responsibility and deep familial bonds. She is a sister to a brother with high needs autism, which has given her insight into caregiving, advocacy, and the complexities of family dynamics. Sarah is exploring her Ashkenazi and Mizrahi Jewish identity through Reform Judaism, finding meaning in tradition, culture, and community. She is also personally familiar with the emotional and practical challenges of supporting a loved one through serious illness, and has struggled with anxiety since childhood, which gives her a personal understanding of what it means to live with and work through it. She is engaged in social justice and organizing, with experience in political campaigns, labor organizing, and collective action.
In her spare time, you can find her checking out way too many books from the library, sweating it out at Dance Church, getting lost on a new hike, singing at the top of my lungs in the car, and FaceTiming with the people she loves who live too far away.
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