On Showingupness: The Art of Really Being There
By Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW
At Kindman & Company, Showingupness is one of our core values. It’s a word we use to describe something we deeply believe in: that how we show up—for the people we care about, for our communities, for ourselves, and for one another—really matters.
And yes, we made the word up. But once you know what it means, you’ll start noticing Showingupness everywhere. (And, unfortunately, you’ll also notice its conspicuous absence.)
I originally wrote this blog many years ago, it was actually one of our first! At the time, Showingupness was a way of naming something I valued deeply in relationships. Over the years, it’s grown into something more: one of the fundamental values of Kindman & Company and a guiding principle for how we aim to show up within our practice as colleagues, with our clients, and out in the world.
So it felt like a good time to revisit where Showingupness began, what we mean by it, and why it still matters so much to us.
I’d like to coin the new term SHOWINGUPNESS for regular use.
In a sentence: “I called Paul right after I got broken up with. Unprompted, he said, ‘I’ll be over in 30 minutes AND I’m bringing pizza.’ Paul is a great friend; he has a ton of Showingupness.”
Showingupness describes the degree to which reliability, empathy, care, intentionality, thoughtfulness, and embodiment of “just being there” that is consistently demonstrated by someone.
It speaks to one’s willingness to put our loved ones—and ourselves. People with great levels of Showingupness do so willingly and gladly.
Showing Up Requires Vulnerability
Showingupness requires vulnerability. It means showing others, and ourselves, that someone or something really matters to us.
It also requires sacrifice. Sometimes showing up might mean having to delay, lose, or let go of another activity, person, or thing that we care about when doing so helps us to prioritize showing up in a truly meaningful way.
That’s part of what makes Showingupness meaningful: it isn’t simply being present. It’s being present on purpose.
What Showingupness Is NOT
Showingupness does not mean boundarylessness.
It does not mean always putting others first, nor does it mean doing so resentfully or out of obligation.
It does not mean showing up when doing so puts you at risk, when you’re acting out of fear of losing a relationship, when it keeps you in toxic relational dynamics, or because you believe that giving of yourself is the only value you have to offer.
Showingupness isn’t self-abandonment disguised as care.
Showing Up for Yourself Counts, Too
Instead, Showingupness is generous, kind, and loving. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when you do it, and equally so when you receive it.
And importantly: this term should describe people who also lovingly and intentionally prioritize their own needs and practice showing up for themselves.
Sometimes, this is the hardest Showingupness of all.
Go Forth, Showingupness Allstars
So get out there and be Showingupness Allstars!
Notice the people who show up.
Tell them you notice.
Practice showing up with intention for the people and communities you care about. And remember to extend that same care, reliability, thoughtfulness, and generosity toward yourself.
Help me spread the word.
Literally. ❤️
—kk