On People Pleasing & Group Therapy
When people think about starting therapy, they usually picture sitting one-on-one with a therapist. Fewer people are aware of group therapy, and even fewer understand how impactful a process group can be, especially for people who are used to putting others first.
I used to think of therapy groups as support spaces centered around a shared experience, or places for people who were visibly struggling in relationships to learn concrete skills. I didn’t yet understand the kind of growth that can happen in a process-oriented group.
What Is a Process Group?
For those who are unfamiliar, a process group is a form of psychotherapy where about 5–15 individuals meet together with a therapist to explore emotions, relationships, and personal challenges in real time.
How Process Group Therapy Works
Unlike more structured groups that focus on a specific topic or skill, interpersonal process groups are largely unstructured. Process groups are a form of relational psychotherapy that focus on understanding interpersonal dynamics as they unfold in real time by exploring what’s happening in the room between members in the present moment.
Participants are invited into their own relationality—to share openly and give and receive feedback—with the goal of increasing self-awareness and understanding how they impact others.
For people pleasers, this kind of space can be both deeply challenging and incredibly transformative.
Why People Pleasers Often Struggle in Groups
When I talk about people-pleasing, I’m thinking of the tendency to shape yourself around others: monitoring their reactions, anticipating their needs, and adjusting your behavior in order to maintain connection or avoid discomfort.
People-Pleasing as a Relational Survival Strategy
Many people who identify as “people-pleasers” are incredibly attuned to others. They’re skilled at reading the room, picking up on subtle emotional cues, and offering what they think will be most well-received.
And while those skills can be adaptive, especially for folks who’ve experienced relational trauma, they often come at a cost. If you are constantly focused on what others might want from you, you don’t get much practice asking yourself what you want. Over time, it can become harder to access your own preferences, boundaries, and emotional responses. You begin to abandon yourself.
This is where group therapy offers something different from individual work.
What Makes Group Therapy Different From Individual Therapy
In a one-on-one therapy setting, it’s still possible to people-please. You might try to be the “good client,” say the “right” things, or track your therapist’s reactions closely.
But in a group, the dynamic shifts. There are multiple people, multiple perspectives, and multiple reactions happening at once. It becomes almost impossible to please everyone unless you say nothing at all, and even silence becomes meaningful.
Why It’s Hard to Please Everyone in a Group
In group, people pleasers are often faced with moments like these. You might want to agree with someone, but notice a different opinion inside. You might feel the urge to fill space to ease tension. You might worry you’ve said something wrong or hurt someone’s feelings. You might notice that you like some members more than others, and that not everyone will feel the same way about you.
These moments are not problems to fix. They are the work.
A process group provides opportunity to practice more authenticity in relationships.
Process-oriented therapy groups invite you to begin shifting your attention from carefully tracking everyone else’s internal world to becoming more aware of your own.
You might experiment with saying something that feels a little more honest, even if it risks discomfort.
You might choose not to speak, and instead notice what comes up in the silence.
You might share that you’re feeling anxious about how you’re being perceived.
And then something important happens: people respond.
Group therapy and The Power of Corrective Emotional Experiences
One of the most powerful parts of group therapy is the opportunity for a corrective emotional experience.
You might express a thought or feeling that you would usually filter out, and instead of being rejected, you’re met with curiosity, understanding, or even appreciation.
You might realize that disagreement doesn’t automatically lead to disconnection.
You might see that you can take up space without losing your place in the group, and you might notice the surprise, or even confusion, that comes with that.
Why Group Therapy Can Feel Uncomfortable
That doesn’t mean it feels easy. In fact, it often feels uncomfortable, awkward, and at times even painful. But that discomfort is part of what makes the experience meaningful. It creates the conditions for something new to emerge.
We don’t exist in isolation. Our lives are made up of relationships and the many subgroups we move through, including family, friendships, workplaces, and communities. We are constantly being shaped in relationships, and we continue to evolve through those interactions.
And yet, many of us experience groups as places where we’re supposed to get it “right.” We hold back, say the safest or most agreeable thing, or come in guarded and ready to defend ourselves. In doing so, we miss the opportunity that groups actually offer.
What if, instead, we approached group as a space to practice authenticity and curiosity? What if the goal wasn’t to be liked by everyone, but to better understand ourselves in relation to others?
For people pleasers, this can be a powerful shift. Group becomes a place to explore questions like what do I actually think, what do I feel, what happens if I say it out loud, and what happens if someone doesn’t agree.
Learning That Disagreement Does Not Equal Rejection
These are not questions that can be fully answered in isolation. As much as we might want to figure ourselves out on our own, our sense of self is shaped and clarified in connection with others.
In group, you are invited to try things out. To say “no,” or “I don’t know,” or “I see it differently.” To notice when old patterns no longer serve you. To make mistakes, repair, and try again. To recognize that growth doesn’t come from getting everything right, but from staying engaged in the process.
Practicing Authenticity in Real Time
For many people, process group therapy becomes one of the first places where authenticity feels safer than performance.
We are allowed to change. In many ways, we have to.
Our lives shift, our relationships evolve, and the world around us is constantly moving. Group therapy offers a space to stay curious in the midst of that change, to better understand yourself, to practice emotional honesty & connect more authentically with others, and to allow yourself to be seen more fully.
Discovering You Can Still Belong
If you’re someone who tends to shape yourself around others, a process group might offer something rare: a chance to discover what it feels like to be fully yourself in a room full of people, and to realize you can still belong.
You do not have to figure yourself out in isolation. Healing often happens in relationship, through moments of recognition, curiosity, conflict, repair, and connection.
If you’re interested in exploring process group therapy, our groups are designed to support deeper relational work, emotional authenticity, and meaningful connection with others. We welcome people who are curious about themselves, their relationships, and what it might feel like to take up a little more space.
Featured therapist author:
Sarah Barukh, ASW provides intentional support to those who feel overly responsible in their families, including eldest daughters, caregivers, and those carrying an uneven amount of emotional labor in their families, as well as adult children of parents with chronic or progressive illnesses, who may be navigating anticipatory grief, shifting family roles, and struggling to prioritize self-care.
She also greatly enjoys working with fellow therapists, healers, and caregivers, who are supporting those who hold space for others while learning to hold space for themselves
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