On Growing Up as a Glass Child: Emotional Impacts & the Path to Healing
If you’ve read my bio page, I start by sharing that I am the eldest of four and have a brother with high-support needs related to autism. When I was growing up, this used to be the first detail I'd share about myself without hesitation, but now that I am fully situated in adulthood and have many other facts about myself that I could share (I’m a therapist! A hiker! A book lover!), I think it's telling that it still feels important to introduce myself this way.
For those of us who have grown up as siblings of individuals with disabilities with high support needs, it can feel strange (or even wrong) to acknowledge the complexity of that experience. Many of us carry deep care and fierce loyalty toward our siblings, but also feelings of confusion, frustration, sadness, or loss. These emotions can be hard to name, especially in an ableist world that continually devalues disabled lives. We know our siblings deserve respect, inclusion, and joy, but we’ve also witnessed the impact of systemic failures. We’ve seen the stares, heard the comments, and noticed the lack of accommodations in schools, stores, and community spaces.
This brings me to the term "glass child."
What is a Glass Child?
The term “glass child” was popularized by Alicia Meneses Maples in her TEDx talk, Recognizing Glass Children. It describes a sibling of a child with a disability, chronic illness, or other high-support needs. The metaphor captures two main ideas:
These children often feel “seen through” like glass, as family attention is focused elsewhere
They may appear resilient or self-sufficient, but are often suppressing their own struggles to avoid adding to the family’s stress
Emotional Impact of Being a Glass Child
While not a clinical term, “glass child” is used to highlight the invisible emotional labor and role-shifting that siblings often experience.
Common Struggles Glass Children Face
According to the Cleveland Clinic, these children may:
Grow up quickly and exhibit heightened maturity and anxiety
Experience parentification, such as translating at appointments or taking care of younger siblings
Struggle with boundaries and perfectionism
Suppress their needs and feel guilty asking for attention
Carry unspoken resentment or shame, especially if they feel jealous of the care their sibling receives
For some, hearing this term is the first time their struggles are named. It can offer a powerful context to understand why asking for help or prioritizing their own needs feels so unfamiliar.
In her TEDx talk, Alicia Meneses Maples shares her experience as the eldest sister to two younger brothers with disabilities: David, who was born with a rare genetic disorder, and Mario, who was diagnosed with high-support needs autism. After David’s death at age five, Meneses Maples recalls that she began having thoughts of suicide at just 11 years old. However, when adults asked how she was, she remembers telling them that she was "fine," as a result of the messaging she'd received about not adding to her parents' distress.
Long-Term Effects of Being a Glass Child
Alicia Meneses Maples ultimately chose to speak publicly about her experience because she knows many children in similar positions struggle in silence and are unlikely to ask for help. Her story reminds us that although children grow into adults, the pressures and responsibilities they carry in childhood often leave lasting marks, shaping how they relate to others and how they advocate for themselves.
Criticism of the Glass Child Concept
However, the term “glass child” has also drawn critique, especially from disabled and neurodivergent advocates.
Why the Term Can Be Problematic
One concern is that it centers the non-disabled sibling’s pain in a way that risks framing the disabled sibling as a burden. This framing often overlooks structural issues, like underfunded support systems, inaccessible education, and a lack of community care, and instead positions family dynamics as the sole source of suffering.
Critics also point out that some “glass children” may themselves be undiagnosed or masked neurodivergent individuals. While that’s not true for everyone, it’s a reminder that the distinction between “able-bodied” and “disabled” siblings is not always clear-cut. Assumptions like this reinforce binary, medicalized thinking about disability and ignore how broader systems of ableism shape everyone’s experience.
Avoiding the “Burden” Narrative
So the question then becomes: how can we validate the experiences of those who grew up with siblings with high support needs, while ensuring we do not place blame on disabled, neurodivergent, or high-support-needs individuals?
Overall, the critique isn’t about denying that siblings can have painful or confusing experiences; it’s about reframing those experiences within a more just and inclusive context. We can hold the real impacts of being a child who suppressed their needs to avoid burdening their parents, while also recognizing that the solution isn’t to pathologize our siblings, but to build systems that support all members of a family.
Healing from the Glass Child Experience
I don’t believe we have to choose between validating our own stories and showing up with care for our siblings. We can process the harm we’ve endured without casting blame on disabled people or the parents who did their best with limited resources.
Steps Toward Healing: Supporting Glass Children & Their Siblings
For many of us who will one day take on caretaking roles, or already have, this reflection is not only healing, it’s necessary to prevent future harm.
With healing comes the softening of rigidity. This softening is what allows us to show up with creativity, compassion, and a deeper commitment to supporting one another. My hope is that in encouraging these conversations, families and practitioners alike can move away from blame and toward more liberatory care, where all siblings, disabled or not, are seen, supported, and understood.
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If you identify as a “glass child” or resonate with the complex experience of loving and supporting a disabled sibling or family member, remember that your feelings and needs matter, too. You deserve to feel seen and validated, while also showing up for your siblings.
We hope you’ll consider creating a space just for you—reach out now for therapy with Sarah, who specializes in supporting caregivers and fellow glass children.
Sarah Barukh, ACSW, the eldest of four, was shaped by her responsibility and deep familial bonds. She is a sister to a brother with high needs autism, which has given her insight into caregiving, advocacy, and the complexities of family dynamics. Sarah is exploring her Ashkenazi and Mizrahi Jewish identity through Reform Judaism, finding meaning in tradition, culture, and community. She is also personally familiar with the emotional and practical challenges of supporting a loved one through serious illness, and has struggled with anxiety since childhood, which gives her a personal understanding of what it means to live with and work through it. She is engaged in social justice and organizing, with experience in political campaigns, labor organizing, and collective action.
In her spare time, you can find her checking out way too many books from the library, sweating it out at Dance Church, getting lost on a new hike, singing at the top of my lungs in the car, and FaceTiming with the people she loves who live too far away.
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