On Breakthroughs & Reflections in Therapy
Don’t you love those wild connections that you make in therapy? They are like little nuggets that you weren’t expecting to find, but can feel so good to uncover. I had one of these experiences with my own therapist in our session last week.
Let me set the scene (I know that you’re dying to know):
I’m in my living room, sitting on the floor (my favorite place to be) and drinking iced coffee out of a wine glass (my dishes were dirty, okay?!) We are going with some grounding to start our virtual session, which I will admit I was not feeling, but I did request it at the beginning of the session—so that’s on me.
listening to your body
It’s important to note that my therapist likes to ask me a lot about where I feel trauma in my body. *A lot of therapists like to focus on somatic sensations while in sessions because it can tell us some good information about what we are feeling, and how it likes to present itself when we don’t always have the words to verbally express it.*
She asks me to notice what I feel in my body at the moment. I’m feeling a number of things—because we are complex humans and that’s the shit we experience. As we are talking, I tell her that I’m feeling like I need to scream. So we do it.
Pro Tip (which I stole from her, duh): Screaming (even silently by opening your mouth and letting air out) releases so much tension for us. We took the old “scream in a pillow approach.” If you haven’t done it, it can really work!
As the somatic therapist she is, she asks me what I feel in my body after we do it. I tell her that my throat feels clear, and that’s when the beginning of my connection happens.
amplifying the voices of BIPOC women
Calladita Te Miras Más Bonita. “You look prettier when you’re quiet.”
Mira, we’ve got to stop silencing women. Especially BIPOC women. There is a saying in Spanish that translates to “you’re prettier when you’re quiet.” If we are looking from the lens of classic Machismo culture, women are seen as quiet, hard working, caregivers. No one talks about their emotions, and they certainly don’t voice any disagreements or anything that may be deemed “controversial” in typical culture.
There is no doubt that this phenomenon occurs in many cultures, but let’s take a moment and think about the way that this affects marginalized communities. Being Queer and Latina, this is a concept that deeply resonates with me. In my therapy session, I reflected on the ways that I have (sometimes unknowingly) stayed quiet in moments that I am actually feeling A LOT. I have so many memories of silencing myself before others did it for me. Keeping quiet about my sexuality, keeping quiet when I had a differing opinion from the rest, or sometimes even silencing myself from asking for help.
trauma in the body
From my experience with my therapist, I’m learning that I hold a lot of my trauma in my throat and neck. Some hold trauma in their backs and experience chronic back pain, others in their jaw. I am learning to fight and heal from this trauma by doing the “opposite action.” Choosing to speak, scream, or yell when I’d previously stay silent. This doesn’t happen automatically, and I am certainly not at a point where I have integrated this in my daily life. I’m still practicing.
Building safety is key in healing with the help of others.
As I grow in relationship with my therapist, I am learning to voice and explore the harmful experiences I have had in my silence.
If there is anything you take from my experience, and if you aren’t a part of a marginalized community, give women of color and queer folks some room to speak. The world can be a little more hopeful when we use our voices. Also, it’s okay to scream a little.
Gaby Teresa is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, Latina/mixed raced, social justice-oriented, and exceptionally curious. She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. She is passionate about supporting undocumented immigrants, Latinx, & BIPOC folks to explore and unpack the harms of systemic oppression & white supremacy and move towards individual and collective healing from racial trauma.
From a Health at Every Size perspective, Gaby challenges fat phobic narratives and helps people adopt amore loving relationships with their bodies by promoting body diversity and dismantling the “thin ideal.”Overall, Gaby is proud to be another messy human walking alongside you, helping you to build tools and relationships that better support you and ensure that you get your relational needs met.
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