On Rest: It's Many Facets & the Consequences Of Rest Neglect
As a co-founder of Kindman & Co., a business owner, a psychotherapist, a clinical director, husband and pet parent, my plate is often quite full. The days fly by and the to-do lists rarely get any shorter. Despite my frequent criticism of our capitalist society’s relentless pursuit of productivity and success I, too get caught up in the hustle. This has been a challenging year in our practice; one filled with growing pains and a great deal of transition. All of it has left me feeling exhausted and on the verge of burn-out (shout-out to my colleague, Anna Kim, who has coined the term “crispy” which we use to describe getting dangerously close to burning out).
In addition to making everything feel harder, this drained feeling has also piqued my curiosity about rest. What is rest? What makes something feel restful? What can I do to feel more rested? Other than my go-to of plopping down on a couch in a cuddle-puddle of cats and dogs and zone out to a TV show, phone-in-hand…
In doing some research, I stumbled upon the work of Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a medical doctor and author who has extensively studied the significance of rest in our lives. In this blog, we’ll explore the importance of rest, how it connects to our mental health and well-being, and what we can do about it by drawing on the insights provided by Dr. Dalton-Smith.
“Crispy” a term coined by Anna Kim, which we use to describe getting dangerously close to burning out.”
seven facets of rest
Dalton-Smith’s work emphasizes that rest is not a one-size-fits-all concept. In her book, Sacred Rest, she identifies seven distinct types of rest that every individual requires for holistic well-being:
1. Physical Rest
There are two types of physical rest, Passive and Active. Passive Physical rest involves giving your body the time it needs to recover and rejuvenate. Adequate sleep, relaxation, and breaks from physical exertion are all essential components. Active Physical rest focused on movement that helps our circulation and lymphatic system. Activities like yoga, stretching, leisurely walks and massage therapy are some examples. I’m a big fan of both kinds of physical rest – though I found myself leaning too hard on the former. Kaitlin Kindman is often nudging me to go to yoga with her, and it seems that she is onto something here!
2. Mental Rest
Our minds are constantly processing information, and mental rest is essential to recharge cognitive faculties. This can be achieved through meditation, mindfulness practices, or journaling – anything that actively releases us from rumination. For me, nothing turns my thinking brain off like watching sports. It allows me to be present and engaged while allowing my higher processing systems to relax.
3. Emotional Rest
In a world where stress and emotional demands are constant, taking time to process and release emotions is crucial for mental and emotional health. This is where therapy, particularly relational psychotherapy, comes in. By sitting with a trained therapist who leads and models with their own vulnerability, we can practice our vulnerability muscles in a safe setting and learn to determine and expand the other spaces in our lives where we can show up with our most authentic felt experience and be seen and validated. Shout out to my own therapist for being a massive support for this one!
4. Social Rest
While social interactions are vital, they can also be exhausting. Our relationships add to the richness of our lives, but many of the most important relationships in our lives also require a lot of giving on our part. Seeking out connection that replenishes our reserves is a vital type of rest. For me, I have found that playing some tennis with a buddy and shooting the breeze while catching our breath is a great way to rest my over-responsible self.
5. Sensory Rest
The constant bombardment of sensory stimuli in the modern world can lead to sensory overload. It’s easy to forget just how inundated we are with information minute-to-minute. Sensory rest allows us to re-calibrate and regain our sensory equilibrium. I have found this one particularly hard given how attached I am to my phone…However, spending time out in nature where the sights, smells and sounds soothe me has been a refuge – one that I would like to reach for more often.
6. Creative Rest
Engaging with creativity, both as a creator and a consumer is another powerful and important form of rest. Strumming the strings of my guitar or allowing myself to try out a new creative project around the house (for me this was refinishing a wooden desk) gave me access to something new and different from my everyday tasks. Listening to beautiful music or watching a moving film are other ways that I can connect to creativity and beauty.
7. Spiritual Rest
This rest type goes beyond religious affiliations and involves finding meaning and purpose, which is essential for overall well-being. We can do this by reflecting on our values and seeking out communities or actions that help us feel like we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. This is an area where I can probably grow the most. A lot of the areas where I find meaning and purpose (such as my work as a therapist and non-profit board member) happen to exhaust me at the end of the day. I’ve had some moving experiences re-connecting with a Jewish community in the wake of the recent tragedies in Israel and Palestine, which I want to continue to explore in addition to spending more time in the splendor of nature.
“In a society that values busy-ness and productivity above all else, understanding and honoring our need for rest is the key for a more balanced and meaningful existence. ”
the consequences of neglecting rest
Dalton-Smith’s work also highlights the profound consequences of neglecting rest. Insufficient rest can lead to physical and mental health issues, including chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, and impaired cognitive function. Insufficient rest can hinder our ability to connect with our deeper selves, pursue our passions, and find meaning in life. The math is pretty simple here: not having access to rest makes us sick. Luckily, expanding our definitions of what rest can look like in our lives can give us more opportunities to connect to an activity or experience that is, in its essence, restful.
I hope that you will be inspired, like I was to take a look at the ways that you engage with rest. Making sure that we’re getting enough rest means that we need to be intentional about it. This might involve creating a sleep routine, practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries in our social interactions, or pursuing activities that bring us joy.
Saundra Dalton-Smith’s work reminds us that rest is not a luxury but a necessity for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. To lead healthier, more fulfilling lives, we must prioritize rest and embrace its many dimensions. In a society that values busy-ness and productivity above all else, understanding and honoring our need for rest is the key to a more balanced and meaningful existence. To quote another incredible writer and activist, Tricia Hersey in her work Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto, “We must believe we are worthy of rest. We don’t have to earn it. It is our birthright. It is one of our most ancient and primal needs.”
Paul Kindman, LMFT is an immigrant, refugee and acculturated American. He loves working with couples, partners and multicultural relationships who are navigating unique challenges of honoring many belief systems and traditions within relationships and families.
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