On What to Talk about in Therapy When You’re Doing Okay
You know that feeling when you’re one coffee spill away from a complete meltdown? When you feel like you could cry at any moment? When everything is on fire or falling apart and all your measly coping skills feel hopelessly useless? When everything is a disaster, it’s easy to figure out what you should talk about in therapy. Conflict, sadness, anxiety, relationship problems, friendship problems, parent stuff, body image, identity, etc. Pleeeenty of content for a 50-minute session.
It's those moments when things are actually going well, when just before your session you think: “What am I going to talk about today?” Those are the moments when people often feel like maybe they’re done or they don’t need therapy anymore—and sometimes that’s true (if you think so, I encourage you to bring it up to discuss with your therapist!). But sometimes a moment of relief doesn’t mean we’re fully cooked, just that we’ve completed a piece of work or that we’re growing and changing. I’d like to offer a few things to explore when it feels like things are going well and you’ve got nothing to talk about:
honor & celebrate your therapeutic growth
So you’re not a puddle of goo! You don’t have a crisis. This is amazing! You did that! Therapy can be a space to work on growth and change, and also a space to celebrate it. You can use those good days to reflect on what has allowed you to get to this place. What has worked? What hasn’t? How can you keep moving toward more feelings of stability, ease, and comfort? It’s also worth thinking about how it feels to celebrate this way. How is it for you to acknowledge your own success? Uncomfortable? There’s a whole session right there.
goal reviewing & re-setting
In those lighter moments, there can finally be space to look back at the goals you set at the beginning of therapy. Where are you on your way toward them? If you’ve completed some, are there others that feel more current and relevant? Maybe the piece of work you’ve just completed has revealed new opportunities for work you didn’t know you needed to do. The possibilities are endless, and sometimes that’s easier to see and think about from a place of stability.
your relationship with your therapist
The relationship you have with your therapist is not something that can only be discussed in “better” moments, but it can be a topic that doesn’t always get as much space when there are more pressing matters. If you’re not dying to talk about anything in particular, it might be worth checking in about how your relationship with your therapist is going. Do you feel connected and held? Is there something that’s not working for you? Something you’ve been afraid to address? Talking about this can feel awkward or unusual, but your therapist should be able to help you and hold space for any weirdness. Trust me when I say that we really do want to know how you think it’s going!
avoiding anything?
Okay okay. Sometimes when we’re “doing really great” we aren’t really all that great. It happens. If you’re not sure what to talk about because everything feels fine, you can also explore if there’s something you’re avoiding talking about. Usually this is the really hard stuff, the stuff that’s painful and shitty and really unpleasant to get into. Avoidance can be an adaptive strategy! And, it can get in the way of you moving toward something else, so it’s worth exploring if there’s really nothing, or if the something just sucks. (Doesn’t mean you have to talk about it either, but at least you’ll know it’s there!)
looking outward
Reaching a place of stability can be an opportunity to begin to look outward—to your friends, family, community. Maybe you have some new space to engage with the world and act on your values. Maybe you’re feeling more ready to engage in some activism or start figuring out a new creative project. Therapy can be a space to brainstorm, imagine, and plan. What do you want the world to look like? How can you contribute?
I hope this gives you some sense of the wide array of things that therapy can be, even if you’re not a complete wreck. And if you’re fine one week, and a mess the next, don’t worry. There’s plenty of space for all of your humanity in therapy. That’s one of the best parts.
Anna Kim is an Associate Clinical Social Worker, a writer, and an adventurer. Anna works with individuals, intimate relationships, families, and groups to support growth and change. She is especially interested in grief & loss, identity & authenticity, and attachment, but appreciates all the infinite, complicated parts of being alive.
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We are here for your diverse counseling needs. Our team of therapists provides lgbtqia+ affirmative therapy, couples therapy & premarital counseling, grief & loss counseling, group therapy, and more. We have specialists in trauma, women's issues, depression & anxiety, substance use, mindfulness & embodiment, and support for creatives. For therapists and practice owners, we also provide consultation and supervision services! We look forward to welcoming you for therapy in Highland Park and online.