On Smut Over Self-Help
I feel like I’ve talked about this before, but something that I love about being a therapist, especially a relational one, is that you tend to attract clients that are similar to you. So, when I noticed that I have been working with a lot of perfectionist/eldest daughter/anxious/burnout types, I had to pause. Is this me?? Of course, it is, dear reader. Like many of the folks that I sit with, I have a hard time making time for myself and prioritizing my needs. I’m telling you this because it leads me to something that I want to make a PSA about to all my star student peers: STOP READING SELF-HELP BOOKS AND LISTENING TO SELF-HELP PODCASTS!
This article will speak on why increasing your “self-help” intake may actually be harming you, and how increasing more smut/erotic fiction may actually be a way to increase overall wellbeing. I hope that after reading, you can feel more empowered to choose to read or listen to the latest smut recommendation that your spicy little sister gave you.
why smut helps more than self-help books
Alright, there’s plenty of good stuff and countless resources on how to better yourself, but I feel pretty confident that for those of you who are similar to me, you don’t need it. You are probably already optimizing your time and trying to squeeze reading in “Atomic Habits” in the 10 minutes a day that are for you. Stop! That’s not what your soul needs. Your soul does not need habits. Your soul needs play and imagination and pleasure!
Enter in what I hope to persuade you into reading more of: smut. You may have heard of smut because it’s a growing category of popularity in the Bookstagram and #BookTok areas of the internet. From the Cambridge Dictionary, smut means “magazines, books, pictures, movies or jokes that offend some people because they relate to sex.” I’m not sure if it’s the pandemic, the millennial burnout effect, the economy, or because the world is on fire (maybe all of the above) but it feels like my generation of peers are diving deep into the smut world. I am on the Starter Pack trend myself, having finished Yarros’ Fourth Wing and I am now on the third book of the ACOTAR (A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas, for all of you not glued to the internet) series.
For myself, what I noticed in beginning these series, both with major elements of fantasy and romance, was that my attention was held and I actually wanted to read more and I was able to return to the nostalgic state of childhood when a book would beckon to me as a sort of escape. Oh, and I also noticed that I was horny as hell. I never thought I would be interested in fairies having sex but then you start reading it and…. Am I going to Ren Fair this year??
I had a hunch that this specific type of genre of books allows the reader to escape, but also to feel. Feel pleasure, wonder, mystery, and an attraction to parts of ourselves that get swallowed up by work and the mundane activities of the day. In talking with clients who are also reading these books, there is a shared awareness of how these stories allow for increased imagination and a sense of playfulness. I mean, I can’t take myself too seriously when I’m reading about how touching a fairy’s wing gives him an immediate orgasm, right?
And whenever I have gut instincts around why something could be good for us, I always love to fluff my ego and see if there is any research to back up what I feel. And in looking into the matter, I found an article titled, “Do self-help books help?”, which summarized that there tend to be four different subset focuses that increase engagement for the self-help reader. Article author, Bergsma, identifies the four categories as the following: 1) “personal growth” 2) “personal relations” 3) “coping with stress” and 4) identity, or “Who am I?”. I would argue that erotic fiction, or smut, can assist folks with all of those areas too.
four ways that reading smut helps you grow
Personal Growth: this category is one that I see many of my clients drawn to self-help specifically for. They are feeling like they are not good enough and are wanting to grow and evolve. That’s typically where I push back. For those who navigate through perfectionism, there is often a huge element of shame that accompanies those behaviors. Shame tells us that we’re not good enough, that it’s no use trying, and that no one likes what we do. Guess when you don’t feel shame? When you’re experiencing blissed-out pleasure. Orgasm is a wonderful thing that allows your mind to shut up for a moment!
Personal Relations: I recognize that this category most likely refers to self-help content that allows for folks to identify what will help them make and maintain stronger relationships. Yes, reading smut doesn’t necessarily invite instant community, but let me tell you what, it is an amazing conversation starter at gatherings and parties. I, like most of you, feel like my small talk ability is totally down the drain ever since the pandemic. It feels hard for me to begin conversations with people I don’t know, but I’ve found that since starting and really investing in my Smut Era, it has been so easy to find so many like-minded folks! It reminds me of making friends like we did when we were in grade school. “Did you like this? I like this too! Let’s be friends!”
Coping with Stress: The way that I see it, smut is a great way to cope with stress. As Dr. Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski’s research on burnout and completing the stress response cycle puts it: creative expression is a way to let feelings out of your body. You don’t have to be focusing on stress while you read or listen to stories to process stress. Simply by allowing yourself to be immersed in another world and go through emotions that the characters are experiencing, you can assist yourself in processing your emotions.
Identity, who am I? No, I’m not going to tell you that reading smut will allow you to know who you are and what your purpose on this earth is, but I think it can be a start. When I’m working with folks who are dealing with burnout, I remind them that it’s often because they are not resourced enough outside of work or their role as caregiver, so then it feels like their work/job is the only thing going on for them. It becomes your entire identity and that isn’t sustainable. By introducing more resources into your life, your personhood becomes more complex and you are able to rely on other factors when you have a bad day at work or make a mistake. So, yes, reading more smut can help you be a more resourced person! The sexy fairies don’t care that you forgot to send that email!
Overall, I’m hopeful that you can hear my enthusiastic tone of permission– you’re allowed to do things simply for the pleasure of them! Reading and listening to smut, erotic fiction, or watching fantastical stories can allow for an increase in joy, creativity, stress-relief, community, and personhood. If you’ve been feeling burnt out recently, please, give yourself some space and allow for a break through consuming some smut. You’ll be glad you did!
Caitlin Harrison is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, social justice advocate, and a feminist. She works with individuals, intimate relationships, and families. Caitlin is a sex positive therapist with a special interest in the integration of sexuality and spirituality, women’s empowerment, and eradicating narratives of guilt and shame. She is passionate about working with couples because every partnership can be deepened, stretched, and more pleasure-forward.
Utilizing the relationship between client and therapist, Caitlin embodies hospitality and humor in her work which allows an inclusive and collaborative space to share all of life’s ups, downs, and in betweens. Overall, her work is focused on ensuring that you feel safe coming home to yourself. Caitlin feels at home with a cup of coffee in her hand, a bouquet of flowers nearby, and music at the ready to dance to.
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